In this moment: Four Months.

It probably comes as no surprise that life with three little kids is a challenge.  It came as a bit of a surprise to me however just how little free time I have for creative recreation.  Life isn't really any harder per se, the work is the same, it's just that there is so much more of it that the free blocks of time seem to have disappeared.  In this moment with a four month old baby, I feel like an empty bottle at the edge of the gulf, getting bumped, turned over, and pulled under at the whim of the waves.  I'm still in response mode around here:  whoever is the hungriest, crying the loudest, or is leaving the house next gets my focus.  And when the last light has been turned out upstairs, I have been spending more than the usual amount of time with my (diminishing!) backside firmly planted on the couch.  I'm not literally drooling by that point in the evening, but I feel that perhaps mentally I am.  So life with three?  A challenge.

But oh, the payoff!  This little smile.  And how the big's love their little sister.  How they marvel at every tiny little thing she learns to do:  "Mom!  Mom!  She's grabbing her toy!  Awesome job, Nelly!"  The feel of those little arms hooked around my neck and my upper arm when that same little girl doesn't want me to put her down.  In experiencing her infancy, I feel like I get to experience Emery and Alastair's again, and knowing this is my very last baby makes me savor every little thing.  In those early days, when I was up in the middle of the night, I knew just how short that period would be because I survived it twice before.  That made those midnight nursing sessions a precious thing even as I longed for bed with bleary eyes.

The Adjustment

From the first day, Emery and Alastair were over the moon for their sister.  For Alastair, the adjustment was loving his new sister and being very angry at his mother.  When Emery arrived, he was a bit evil for awhile too.  Perhaps he felt less conflicted about being angry with me than being angry with a tiny baby; being angry at his mom didn't make him feel guilty.  Whatever it was, backtalk and meltdowns were at a high both times and thankfully, it seems like we have turned the corner and I see more of my pleasant boy these days.  I see his future in my past; the only time I got grounded as a teenager was for my attitude.  The other day in a desperate search for a consequence on the go, I grounded him from his car for the first week he has it.  Creative parenting, to say the least, but it did make him pause for a breath.   

Emery immediately shifted into her new role as a helper.  She likes to tell us "I'm a big sister now.  I can be a helper!" while she does everything from feed the dog to grabbing a diaper.  Four months in, the novelty has worn off and we see a much more demanding little person with incessant whining (ugh) and demands.  I have to keep my eye on her constantly because she has also gotten very sneaky if I am not moving fast enough for her or paying enough attention to her.  Yesterday, I had to have her put back all of Eleanor's diapers (relocated to Emery's room), put the wetwipes back (and throw out the half she wasted), remove the iPad from her possession, take away a bag of Easter candy she was wolfing down in her bed, and kick her out of my bathroom, where she was playing with my makeup.  And that was an easy day!  Emery has been the laid back kid and she has happily played within the boundaries of our house rules.  Sadly, it seems that even she is not immune to becoming a typical three year old.  I was hoping I might get lucky and avoid the whole challenging the status quo phase.  Apparently not.

Thankfully, they are both gentle with Eleanor. 

Back to Nelly Gnu

 Llama Llama Time to Share, Anna Dewdney

What is Eleanor like at four months?  She is sweet and very watchful; this kid is checking it all out.  She reminds me of Alastair that way and yet, when you get her attention, she is smiley and happy and a bit of a cuddle bug, just like Emery.  She still naps on the go but I can sense the end of her portability coming; she is no longer drifting happily in and out of sleep around town and will fuss a bit before she nods off.   That sort of thing is frowned on at the grocery store.  Still, being on napping lock-down will force me to slow the pace and that could be a very good thing for all of us.

Eleanor sleeps best while swaddled and yet is Houdini like in her skill to get free.  Once she gets loose, however, she waves her little arms in the air and yells until someone rescues her.  This is the first time I have had a video baby monitor and it has been wonderful since we moved her upstairs at two months old.  If I see those arms flailing, I know I'll have to get up.  As long as I don't encounter a rolling toy or any Lego on the way up there, it is a quick fix and back to bed.  On average, she sleeps from 8 to around 7 with seldom a peep in between.  Champion baby!

And as for me...

True.

 

I feel like my recovery was a bit slower this time around.  Perhaps that was due to being pleasantly surprised with the speed of my recovery after Emery (high expectations always set me up for disappointment) or having three kids to wrangle, but I didn't really feel like myself until a good nine weeks after Eleanor's arrival.  I started running at 10 weeks out and just finished my Couch to 5K training program Sunday.  This Saturday Kim and I will be running (he says "running") in the Blue Bell Fun Run that I wanted to do last year just before finding out I was pregnant and my running campaign would have to take a 10 month hiatus.  I run (slowly) because it bothers me that it is something I don't do well.  That is the same reason I won't give up on crochet and just finally finished baby shoes for Eleanor on my fourth try.  It bothers me when something is hard and it is for that reason that I do it.  I don't like to be beaten, especially by my own limitations.  So here we are, four months in/out and my jeans fit again, albeit not quite as well as before, in spite of the amount of brownies I have consumed (I blame you Tara for sharing that deviously good recipe) or the Easter candy eaten.  That is worth every miserable mile.

And someday I'll figure out how to master the chaos in this house.  Because right now the clutter and kids toys are winning...